12/10/2020 2 Comments
By Marissa Mangual, MS, LPC
The holidays can be a wonderful time to connect with loved ones and celebrate. It can also create stress for those struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating behaviors. Here are a few tips that may be useful during this holiday season:
“I will eat to nourish my body, mind, and soul”
“I am able to trust and listen to what my body needs”
“I deserve to eat”
“I am building a healthy relationship with food”
“I trust my body and hunger cues to tell me when I am satisfied”
“Could we please talk about something other than calories, weight, or diets?”
“I’d rather not discuss what’s on my plate or how I look.”
“Let’s make this table a safe place with topics that we’re all comfortable with.”
“This food isn’t ‘bad,’ it’s succulent.” (Or herbal, flaky, aromatic. Fruity. Salty. Peppery. Any descriptive adjective will do.)
“I’d prefer not to talk about treatment or recovery.”
If you need additional support throughout the holiday season, our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling is here for you. Click here to learn more about MMC’s clinicians and counseling services.
Websites to connect/gain further support:
By Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
For almost a year, we have all been in an extended and drawn out pause from what had constituted normalcy in our daily routine. COVID-19 has swept through most corners of the world and our lives, and in some way or another, slowed down, altered, or stopped many ways of being and moving through the world. As we batted down the hatches, our energy went inward, we cried, found new ways to cope, we grieved and mourned.
When there is a lot going on, sometimes we don’t always have or take the time to consider the way forward. We stumble through the dark, putting things down on any surface we can find, missing the details, while grasping for a light switch.
Now, nine months in, taking inventory and stock of where we are and what we’ve come through, it’s a great relief to feel that we are better equipped to prepare with this next season and the unknowns that will certainly arrive. We’ve gained a great deal of resilience from having been here before.
As we enter a second wave of COVID-19 cases climbing, the aftermath of a contentious election and winter season upon us, we’re more familiar with the darkness, this slowness, and perhaps boredom. In this slightly more comfortable place, let’s take pause and notice what has been depleted, drained, or stagnant. What does it look like to cultivate the conditions that allow us to go into this time with not just more awareness but also intention?
By shining light on something in a new way, we can charge it with fresh energy. Traditional Eastern philosophies such as Feng Shui know this to be true. We can create a higher vibration in our space, as well as the things in it, and even our bodies with a little effort and intention.
Similar to how a house plant will perk up when moved closer to a sunlit window, we too get new energy from moving both physical and emotional things around within our space.
Back when we were fumbling through the darkness, what did you put down that is ready to be picked back up, returned to, and dusted off? What corners of your heart want some attention?
What needs to be hung out on the clothes line and aired out?
This practice is an invitation to invite change in. It can require some time, intention, effort, and even support. Staying close to home to do this work, requires a subtle shift in our attention and attitude. To be clear, we don’t always have the energy or space in our lives to do the heavy lifting required to move the bigger pieces of ourselves. It’s ok to take it slow, in fact, change asks for gentleness and compassion.
Here are a few small practices that you can do at home that will invite a higher vibration into your body, mind, and space:
May these ideas spark a light in you. If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, anxious or depressed, please know that these are all normal things to feel right now. Reach out to Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Center for support and to learn how to refresh and rejuvenate your energy and awareness.
By Abby Fosco
The past year has been a trying one for all of us. With the COVID-19 pandemic, the election, and the list goes on, we’ve had to manage and adapt to the tension of life’s current events. Now that the holiday season is upon us, the idea of family dinner conversations may have lots of people stressed. With differing opinions on political views and other sensitive topics, conflicts and arguments feel like a discomforting possibility if these topics are brought up in conversations.
As we begin to prepare for the holidays and hopefully aim to ‘keep the peace’ at our celebratory gatherings, I asked our clinicians here at MMC for their tips and advice on navigating potentially stressful conversations:
Nathalie Edmond, PsyD, E-RYT | Founder and Director of MMC
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW
Shashi Khanna, LCSW
Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
If you need additional support throughout the holiday season and as 2020 comes to an end, our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling is here for you. Click here to learn more about MMC’s clinicians and counseling services.
By Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
Lately, it feels like I’m moving at a mile a minute. The world is spinning all around us. If I’m being honest, the times when I pause long enough to notice what I’m feeling, I sometimes sense a real and visceral spinning sensation in my own body.
There is pain all around us as the election season is approaching, wildfires are smoldering, racial injustice is embedded in the very fabric of our lives, and it’s no wonder I don’t want to stop moving.
Being in constant motion, and moving fast when faced with discomfort, is a defensive mechanism. One that, I would imagine, is familiar to many of us. Whether we’re keeping busy with our bodies, thoughts, schedules, or our to-do lists, we are likely avoiding something, or a great many somethings.
Avoidance is a way we cope with anxiety and distress. It’s a function of our nervous system that wants to protect us from a real or perceived threat. Rather than acknowledging our thoughts and emotions by giving them time and space to be felt, being “too busy” keeps them at bay.
This is not to minimize the strength and excellent coping skills that a good old-fashioned schedule and routine can provide. Keeping busy can be an anchor and masterful when what we’re trying to keep at bay is slipping into old patterns such as addiction or depression.
However, when it’s in service of avoiding being present, or when we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re too busy to slow down, perhaps, the avoidance is actually the pattern that needs noticing.
What happens when we avoid too much, or too long, is the very real possibility that what we’re working so hard to suppress eventually comes to the surface. Demanding acknowledgement, it commands us to slow down. When what we’ve been trying to hold together starts crumbling and feels like it’s falling apart, it might be expressed as anxiety, a panic attack, deep sadness and depression, or anger.
So, how then do we prevent this spinning out, and gently slow down to a pace that is more sustainable and inclusive to all our parts, feelings, and needs?
Here’s what’s helping me:
Take 3 breaths. In that very moment, when you’re coming up with every excuse, all the things you need to do, and why you don’t have time to stop, that’s the moment, to pause, close your eyes, and take 3 breaths. When you do it, notice the way each breath nourishes you in this moment, the way taking three gulps of water feels when you’re hot and thirsty.
Be mindful about how you use your phone to avoid. Let’s be honest, many of us use our phones as a crutch to avoid any number of moments. We have attachment issues with our phones, but the good news is we can change our relationship with them and choose to use them in mindful ways. Download a meditation app like Insight Timer, and practice a guided visualization or listen to a podcast like Ten Percent Happier. Now you’re no longer avoiding but practicing.
Sit down for 5 minutes each morning. Is life really so busy that I can’t find five minutes to sit and be still? Is my pain and suffering really that unbearable that I can’t tolerate a few minutes of being with it? When I ask myself these questions, it shines the light on the main barrier getting in the way of this profoundly simple practice: a powerful relationship of avoidance. When I am in practice of sitting daily, my practice of slowing down bleeds into other areas of life, and being still is more easily achieved and overall less uncomfortable.
Give yourself the permission to slow down and to tend to what you’ve been so busy avoiding. As uncomfortable as it may sound, you may discover it’s very relieving to rest. To learn more about mindfulness and how therapy may be helpful, you can read more here about Mindful and Multicultural Counseling located in Ewing, NJ, or reach out to contact@mmcounselingcenter to learn more about how we can help you.
Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
We’ve all heard the saying, for one door to open, another door has to close.
Can you think of how this has been true for you? How many times has this organic process taken shape in your life? How many times have you welcomed in new changes and beginnings while simultaneously grieving the shedding of old things?
Despite the normalcy and constancy of this cycle, more often than not, we are struggling against this process. Fear of endings creates resistance. We anticipate the pain and feel anxious about the uncertainty of the unknown. In doing so, we create more suffering for ourselves. We self-sabotage by weighing down the process of letting go with our own habitual patterns that are sometimes not positive or productive.
Endings bring change, and change can sometimes mean a loss. Loss, of course, in some way or another calls to be acknowledged, grieved, and honored. Loss, like a wound, needs time to heal. Time becomes like a salve, the more we apply the salve and care for our wound, the more fully it will heal and close.
The amount of time to heal is different for every person. It takes the time it takes, depending on the person, the circumstances, and the depth of the wound or loss. This period of waiting can be very uncomfortable. Sometimes we try to push our way through more quickly. We bargain, deny, and feel desperate to do anything to make time work more quickly.
But there’s another saying I’m sure you’ve heard before: the only way out is through. This could be extremely disappointing to hear, when you’re ready to do whatever it takes to hurry things along. This saying points to the journey as not the thing that needs to be rushed, but as the site where you gain the most and learn more. It affirms that you are exactly where you need to be, and for one reason or another, which will be unearthed in the process of wading through, you will find out just what you were meant to discover.
When we accept that our journey is purposefully leading us through what might feel like fire, mud, darkness, and blurriness, we can begin to get out of our own way. To step out of the way and let ourselves continue down the path, without creating more roadblocks of suffering, we can choose to move with the current as opposed to against it.
The more times we do this, it doesn’t necessarily get easier, but we begin to accumulate a greater sense of confidence and trust that hard things can happen, and we will be ok, maybe even more than ok. What jewels await you along the journey and how bright might it be on the other side?
This time of year, as the summer starts to wane and the feeling and fullness of abundance levels down, we collectively feel an ending around us. Fall approaches and we move through a time of reckoning and review. What blossomed this summer? Which fruits were most bountiful and which didn’t grow? What do we still have time to finish? What wants our attention before the deep freeze of winter beckons us to stop, let go of summer, and shift to a new, quieter, and slower way of winter?
There are endings and beginnings all around us. In every moment, of every day, within every season and year. It’s the most natural things there is, and yet, the space in between can be one of the most difficult and challenging. Radical self-care can be the extra strength salve that helps as you learn to trust the process. For one-on-one support or tips on tolerating distress, we at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ are here for you. You can read more about us or reach out to contact@mmcounselingcenter to learn more about how we can help you.
With the new school year swiftly approaching, parents and students will still be facing unique ways of learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Depending on your school district, both hybrid and 100% virtual learning have been presented as the new normal for the 2020/2021 school year. No one can tell you what is right for your family.
If in-person options are available in your school district, masks will be mandatory and social distancing will be implemented. Virtual learning won’t be new territory for parents and students, since schools switched to virtual learning in the spring of 2020 to finish out the 2019/2020 school year. However, if your children have the option to go back to school in person, social distancing protocols will be new territory. Either way, approaching a new school season when we’re still amidst a pandemic can induce stress and unease for many.
With all of this in mind, our clinicians here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ developed tips and strategies for parents as their children begin their back to school journeys:
Nathalie Edmond PsyD, RYT-500 | Founder and Director of MMC
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW
Taryn Chase, MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC
Lina Lewis-Arevalo MA, NCC, LPC, LCADC
Nadira Keaton, MS, LPC, LCADC, ACS, NCC
Marissa Mangual MS, LPC, NCC
Shashi Khanna, MSW, LCSW
Below is a video created by Dr. Nathalie Edmond for a local high school which addresses unique stressors we are experiencing as more discussions unfold about the Black Lives Matter movement and uncertainty persists around COVID-19. Tips for how we can reduce our vulnerability to stress are suggested. Perhaps you and your child can watch it together to come up with a self-care plan. If you need additional support throughout the year we are here for you. Learn more about our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ.
Other resources to support you:
Emily Suzuki, MA
Fear is a familiar presence in therapy. Therapy is an invitation to explore our growing edges, the places that feel uncomfortable and scary. Often, that’s where our work begins and where we find the greatest growth.
Exploring fear is in the very DNA of the therapeutic relationship. Fear comes up often in therapy, and is present even before we seek out and take what we sometimes perceive as a risk, in asking for support. When we begin working with a therapist, someone who is initially a complete stranger, we may at first be guarded and protective of opening up and being vulnerable. Naturally, a dose of fear shows up to help us assess whether or not the person and relationship is safe and can be trusted.
As we build a relationship of trust, in which the therapist offers the reassurance that their support is rooted in compassion, non-judgement, deep and active listening, clients begin to feel safer. Within the net of safety and trust, client and therapist can begin to explore the layers of fear that may be showing up, both in the therapeutic relationship and in the client’s life.
Fear is an essential survival response to physical and emotional danger. When we experience a threat, our brains are wired to act in self-protection. This process has served us as far back as our ancestors, who had to navigate much greater physical threats. Their survival level instincts turned on in the face of serious danger without so much of a thought, and their survival supported the evolution that led to our being. Check out video about our triune brain by Dr. Nathalie Edmond at the end.
In our modern world, we may not be dodging tigers or samurais like our ancestors, but none the less, there is plenty of ways to feel unsafe in our society. While fear is a universal human emotion, each individual’s experience of it and relationship with it varies greatly. The intersections of one’s social location, identification with race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and ability, shapes our experience and threat to one’s safety. For those whose identities intersect marginalized groups, fear is a lived experience in a wholly different way than it is for those in the dominant groups. The insidiousness of systemic racism and white supremacy, is a system of power that is rooted in fear, in which police brutality is an everyday danger to those who are BIPOC (black, indigenous and people of color) and oppressed, and as a result creates and breeds more fear.
Fear shows up in so many ways, and can be a response to even small or imagined threats. Our nervous system kicks in with a fight-flight-or freeze response, always in service of our protection. However, this process can become so sensitive that it can be activated in moments when it’s not helpful to run, fight or freeze, and when turning towards and engaging whatever feels scary is more purposeful.
This is a place where we can develop a deeper understanding of our fear. Turning our attention inward and towards the fear, we can start to ask questions, and learn more about it. What is it truly afraid of? When is it showing up and getting in the way? How is it perpetuating old patterns and habits of not engaging with ourselves and others? In what ways might it be creating more pain and suffering?
When we feel safely held within a therapeutic relationship, one that is built on trust and safety, we can begin the process of inviting our fear into the room with us. Through noticing and gaining greater awareness of our fear (mindfulness), we can then practice disrupting the moments when fear attempts to turn us away from the work we need to do and instead, learn when it’s okay to trust, and bravely, lean into it.
Learn more about the therapists at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling can help you transform your fear. Read more about us here. Give us a call to begin the healing journey.
by Michelle Gerdes, RYT-200
I can’t remember exactly when I first heard the word “yoga” but it was probably sometime in college in the mid ‘90s. I wasn’t sure what it was all about but I recall being intrigued by something that seemed to be both a spiritual and physical practice. After buying “Yoga for Dummies” (yes, that’s an actual book) and flipping through it, the demands of school and life took over and my interest waned. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that yoga called to me again, and this time I made room for it and its beautiful and bountiful gifts.
I was an editor in a busy and stressful New York City newsroom. I had just come out of my second postpartum depression, with the help of talk therapy and my incredibly supportive husband, and despite “having it all” on paper—prestigious job, nice house in the suburbs, two cars in the driveway, two healthy children, a loving partner—I felt as if something wasn’t right. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t living my best life. I was living someone else’s idea of what a good life should be.
Sound familiar? It’s reported that about one-third of Americans are experiencing some type of emotional disturbance right now—especially amid Covid-19: depression, anxiety, extreme stress, and with that related conditions like insomnia, feelings of isolation, digestion issues, lack of patience or joy.
At this point I knew I needed to make a change but I had absolutely no idea what that change would look like. And stepping out of my comfort zone felt too scary. It was around this time that I noticed a yoga studio just a few miles from my house. The funny thing is I had passed it hundreds of times and didn’t realize it was there.
I signed up and as I settled in for my first class the teacher did her best to make me feel welcomed, but I’m an anxious person and, to be honest, that first class was an interesting combination of uncomfortable and magical. As I moved my body and felt my breath, the teacher encouraged us to be present in the moment and listen to and respect signals from our bodies. Through this breath, movement and listening I began to catch a glimpse of the peace and joy I had been missing and a true connection with myself. Over time, the discomfort began to melt away as I learned ways to calm my anxiety, trust myself, and recognize and celebrate my innate worth. The changes I needed to make began to become clear. The fear of stepping into my idea of a fulfilling life began to melt away. I discovered myself. I was there all along, but the gifts of yoga allowed me to uncover her and celebrate her! This is yoga.
Simply put, yoga means to “yoke,” as in to join together. We join movement with breath, we join the head with heart, and we join the body with spirit. If you can breathe you can practice yoga. Yoga isn’t about being able to touch your toes or stand on your head. It’s about exploring and practicing its many tools—including breath, movement, and meditation—to help you befriend yourself, your emotions and your nervous system. It provides practices and guideposts to help you lead your best life.
If you are looking for ways to spend more time in a state of wellbeing, if you are seeking tools to help you cope with stress, if you want to map out a route to leading a more fulfilling life, I invite you to join me for the four-week series Yoga for Emotional Wellbeing sponsored by Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ. This class will provide a safe space to explore various yoga tools and use them to befriend and join together your unique body, mind and spirit. Find out more about yoga and mindfulness resources here. Check out the intro video below with Dr. Nathalie Edmond and Michelle Gerdes or sample a beginner class.
by Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
It’s only a matter of time, until each of us encounters moments in life that arrive with the experience of emotional, physical or spiritual pain. It’s daunting but true. Pain is a reality that we often avoid when things are good, and maybe even continue to avoid when things are hard.
The truth of pain can be difficult to accept. Pain is an experience we instinctively move away from. Our brains are wired to protect and seek safety. But pain is a fact of life, it’s a necessary part of the human condition.
However, suffering is something entirely different from pain. Buddhists point out that suffering is created in the space between what the reality of the situation is, and some imagined reality that we wish were the case instead. Though it is still real, and also very much a part of being human, we have agency around how we relate to suffering.
In a state of distress, we often ruminate on should’s and projections, rather than looking squarely at the truth of the situation in front of us. We pine over, long for and can weave together elaborate stories of what we want to be, or wished would be, but in doing so, we suffer because we haven’t fully accepted what really is.
Radical acceptance is the practice of meeting reality directly where it is. Without resistance or bargaining we open ourselves fully to the hard truths of the situation before us. It’s not a thing that happens once, but a practice that must be repeated over and over again. As things change, circumstances change, so must our acceptance of situations be continuous and evolving.
When we meet painful experiences with radical acceptance, we are moving from an embodied practice of compassion. Holding pain in mind, body and spirit is such a radically loving thing to do, that it can reduce the suffering we create, and soften the pain we feel.
Radical acceptance is much like the act of holding a small baby. The way a mother might hold her child, with a full heart for the good and the hard, and a love that is unconditional and all encompassing. Turning towards pain and suffering in radical acceptance, we can imagine that maternal love and compassion, and hold ourselves and others in that care.
Radical acceptance is a skill that when practiced can offer great relief from the pressure and discomfort of suffering. We may not always understand, want or approve of what it is we find ourselves faced with accepting, and that’s ok. Radical acceptance is the opposite of resistance or reactivity and can actually hold space for both the reality of what’s happening and the uncomfortable feelings that arise in light of it. It doesn’t mean we love it, like it, or get it, it simply means, we accept it. This radical practice is both simple and complex. Embodying acceptance in this way, gets directly to the core and essence of what is, and is a powerful skill to ease times of pain.
To learn more about radical acceptance check out this video from Kristine Aguilar, one of the clinicians in the practice. Read more about the clinicians in Ewing, New Jersey at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling. Call to schedule an appointment.
by Taryn Chase, LPC, LCADC
Shelter in Place Day 84...
2016 hours. That’s how long it has been since the state shut down all “non essential” business in the state of New jersey. Since March 21st, we have been confined to our homes and only allowed to access essential business such as the grocery store and the liquor store. Even now as I write this, we can only access these places while masked and keeping a distance between us. When you struggle with using alcohol or other substances, this takes on a whole new meaning. I have been working with people who have experienced negative consequences from their use for going on 8 years and one of the first things we talk about is building a sober support network and changing their peoples, places and things that they surround themselves with.
When this first began, I recall people hoarding and bulk shopping for items such as hand sanitizer, toilet paper, and alcohol. Since mid-march we have been bombarded with social media posts and TV ads encouraging “wake and bake”, “its 5’oclock somewhere”, “breakfast beer”, “day drinking” and other messages normalizing behaviors that for many would only be considered acceptable while on vacation and having no responsibilities. While there are many of us working from home for the last 2 months, we often find ourselves with extra time on our hands and feeling like we can be less formal and strict about certain boundaries. Nothing could be further from the truth. Now more than ever we need to focus more on setting boundaries for ourselves and maintaining that separation form home and work.
We no longer have the luxury of being able to go and connect with our support network as before. While we live in a digital age of connectivity and being able to talk with people halfway around the world, we struggle to connect with those who are close to us and feel more alone than ever. When struggling with problematic substance related behaviors, this is a barrier to getting help and getting clean. For so many the in person meetings with sponsors and weekly/daily meetings were their only supports and helped them to feel a sense of belonging and allowed for greater accountability.
Despite this need for physical distancing, we can create meaningful connections and networks for support over the internet. Most if not all the local mutual support and self help meetings have moved their meetings online and, from those who have gone to them, they have been a great way to ensure that they stay connected in their journey and recovery until they are able to meet in person again for that fellowship.
Therapy is a great tool in conjunction with meetings to help get perspective regarding the underlying events and feelings that impact and influence our use. It can be hard to talk about these feelings because of the guilt and shame and stigma that is associated with addiction and problematic use. When we are not used to talking about feelings or mental health it can feel foreign to reach out for help. We have a number of compassionate therapists who specialize in treatment of addiction. Read more about them here.
One of the skills we can use to combat these feelings is Tapping. This is a physical grounding technique that one can pair with positive self talk to help reduce these feelings. See this video for more details. Learn more about Mindful and Multicultural Counseling's approach to addiction treatment.
Just know that you are not alone. There is no shame in asking for help to heal.
Feel free to reach out to us and let us get you connected with one of our therapists to help you on your journey.
If you or some one you know is struggling with addiction, please call 18442762777 to speak with a care coordinator and get connected with a treatment provider close to you.
If you are looking for online meetings please visit www.helpaameetingfinder.org/online or virtual.na.org
Who do you want to be during COVID-19? Are you living your best life? Are you ready to reach out for help. Call us. We are located in Ewing, NJ and now doing telehealth (online) sessions.
Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Clinical Team
Therapists and psychologists committed to improving well being and mindful living.