Family Dialogue at Holiday Celebrations: Tips and Advice

By Abby Fosco 

Getty Images

​The past year has been a trying one for all of us. With the COVID-19 pandemic, the election, and the list goes on, we’ve had to manage and adapt to the tension of life’s current events. Now that the holiday season is upon us, the idea of family dinner conversations may have lots of people stressed. With differing opinions on political views and other sensitive topics, conflicts and arguments feel like a discomforting possibility if these topics are brought up in conversations.

​As we begin to prepare for the holidays and hopefully aim to ‘keep the peace’ at our celebratory gatherings, I asked our clinicians here at MMC for their tips and advice on navigating potentially stressful conversations:
 
Nathalie Edmond, PsyD, E-RYT | Founder and Director of MMC

• Get consent for dialogues. Check in with yourself about your capacity to hold space to hear the other person’s truth.

 

• Try to approach conversations with curiosity and assuming the best about others. Hold space for multiple truths.

 

• Speak from I statements. Ask clarifying questions. Remember to breathe.

 

• Speak for the purpose of your own healing and truth telling, and not for changing others.

 

• Be kind and gentle with yourself and others involved in conversation. When you notice conversation is no longer healthy or respectful, take steps to end the conversation.

 

• Be okay with ending the conversation without anything being resolved. Remember to see the other person’s full humanity, even if you don’t agree with what the other person is saying.

 

• Think of the qualities of mindful speech—is it true, is it kind, is it necessary. Consider our conversations with others as sacred.

 
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW

• If you anticipate conflict and high intensity emotions, then agree to avoid the subject.

 

• Practice dialectical thinking and try to see the kernel of truth in the other’s arguments.

 

• When in doubt, assume good intentions.

 

• Adopt an attitude of curiosity. Ask questions that invite the person to share the “why” behind their stance or viewpoint.

 
Shashi Khanna, LCSW

• Be able to be curious about the other/different side and listen. That opens up dialogue, which is so important.

 
Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC

• When approaching potentially challenging situations, take stock of your rest and energy reserves. Entering difficult conversations will inevitably be harder to mindfully navigate if you’re tired, hungry, stressed, sad, or depressed.

 

• Have a self-care plan in place for processing the aftermath of a difficult conversation. Call a friend, go for a walk, have a drink of water, and nurture yourself.

 

• Allow yourself to feel what you feel—whatever comes up. Tears, disappointment, frustration, grief; make space to move through your emotions. Talking or moving through the feelings that arise rather than suppressing or ignoring them will help you release them.

 
If you need additional support throughout the holiday season and as 2020 comes to an end, our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling is here for you. Click here to learn more about MMC’s clinicians and counseling services.