Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
We’ve all heard the saying, for one door to open, another door has to close.
Can you think of how this has been true for you? How many times has this organic process taken shape in your life? How many times have you welcomed in new changes and beginnings while simultaneously grieving the shedding of old things?
Despite the normalcy and constancy of this cycle, more often than not, we are struggling against this process. Fear of endings creates resistance. We anticipate the pain and feel anxious about the uncertainty of the unknown. In doing so, we create more suffering for ourselves. We self-sabotage by weighing down the process of letting go with our own habitual patterns that are sometimes not positive or productive.
Endings bring change, and change can sometimes mean a loss. Loss, of course, in some way or another calls to be acknowledged, grieved, and honored. Loss, like a wound, needs time to heal. Time becomes like a salve, the more we apply the salve and care for our wound, the more fully it will heal and close.
The amount of time to heal is different for every person. It takes the time it takes, depending on the person, the circumstances, and the depth of the wound or loss. This period of waiting can be very uncomfortable. Sometimes we try to push our way through more quickly. We bargain, deny, and feel desperate to do anything to make time work more quickly.
But there’s another saying I’m sure you’ve heard before: the only way out is through. This could be extremely disappointing to hear, when you’re ready to do whatever it takes to hurry things along. This saying points to the journey as not the thing that needs to be rushed, but as the site where you gain the most and learn more. It affirms that you are exactly where you need to be, and for one reason or another, which will be unearthed in the process of wading through, you will find out just what you were meant to discover.
When we accept that our journey is purposefully leading us through what might feel like fire, mud, darkness, and blurriness, we can begin to get out of our own way. To step out of the way and let ourselves continue down the path, without creating more roadblocks of suffering, we can choose to move with the current as opposed to against it.
The more times we do this, it doesn’t necessarily get easier, but we begin to accumulate a greater sense of confidence and trust that hard things can happen, and we will be ok, maybe even more than ok. What jewels await you along the journey and how bright might it be on the other side?
This time of year, as the summer starts to wane and the feeling and fullness of abundance levels down, we collectively feel an ending around us. Fall approaches and we move through a time of reckoning and review. What blossomed this summer? Which fruits were most bountiful and which didn’t grow? What do we still have time to finish? What wants our attention before the deep freeze of winter beckons us to stop, let go of summer, and shift to a new, quieter, and slower way of winter?
There are endings and beginnings all around us. In every moment, of every day, within every season and year. It’s the most natural things there is, and yet, the space in between can be one of the most difficult and challenging. Radical self-care can be the extra strength salve that helps as you learn to trust the process. For one-on-one support or tips on tolerating distress, we at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ are here for you. You can read more about us or reach out to contact@mmcounselingcenter to learn more about how we can help you.
Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Clinical Team
Therapists and psychologists committed to improving well being and mindful living.