By Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
Have you sat and really considered your relationship with sadness?
I found myself pondering this question recently. On a run, I wondered why lately I had been feeling stuck and unmotivated to write, an activity that I usually love. On the surface, I was feeling frustrated with what seemed like writer’s block. I was repeatedly avoiding it, putting it off for a later time, and feeling resentful of the task.
As I named the frustration, I felt a softening, and uncovered another emotion. There, waiting and ignored, somewhere in my body, was sadness.
In conversation with clients, a similar process often unfolds in a session. Clients come to therapy and share their stories in which anger shows up in relationships, difficult communication patterns, injustices and racism, stress in work, home, loss, and change. Anger, frustration, and resentment is noticeable, sometimes even palpable.
When examined more closely or from a different angle, we might reveal what we are working so hard to hide or protect. After all, anger is our body’s very wise and primal instinct to defend against threat and survive. Sometimes, though, it can get in the way of identifying deeper emotions.
When there is anger or frustration, sadness is not far away.
Sadness is often confused with depression. Depression or Major Depressive Disorder is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Sadness, however, is a core emotion and a part of being human. So, why do we fear feeling it so much?
At its root, sadness presents when we feel psychological and emotional pain. It is an uncomfortable feeling to sit with. Culturally, we aren’t provided much modeling of or support to learn how to be with sadness. Hence, we resort to doing what feels least painful, often suppressing it with denial or fighting it off with anger.
Circling back to my initial question, how is your relationship with sadness?
How do you experience it? Do you notice all the ways and times it shows up to point out a hurt that wants attention? Do you make space for the sadness to express itself? If so, how? And how much? Or is it too uncomfortable and unfamiliar? Do you avoid it at all costs?
Maybe like me, you fall into frustration or anger, and it takes a little effort and time to peel away the layers to identify the sadness underneath. In my case, I discovered that underneath the frustration was a sadness for not wanting to do something that usually gives me joy.
I came across a quote several years ago that centered me around this very idea. It said, there is more joy found in sorrow than in joy itself. This took me a minute to organize in my mind, and still does sometimes, but when I pause, I see its truth. The shadow side of sadness is joy. Through sadness, we mourn something loved, valued, meaningful, or precious to us.
As I continued on my run, these words came to me, “follow the sadness, let it be your guide.” Perhaps sadness is there on the surface, or maybe there are many layers needing to be unpacked to access it. However it lives in you now, remember that sadness is human, natural, and necessary in order to truly know and appreciate what it is we value and find joy in.
To learn more about Mindful and Multicultural Counseling (located in Ewing, NJ) and receive support, please reach out to firstname.lastname@example.org.
by Nathalie Edmond PsyD, RYT-500
It’s the new year, new season. The world invites you into refocusing your energy and creating resolutions or goals or intentions. Aren’t they all really the same thing; it's just how you approach them? I love the freshness of January or any new season really. It is a time to make a commitment or promise to yourself. You can go down the path of intensity and self criticism if you are less than perfect in achieving your goals or you can see it as information. Perhaps the goal was too big, maybe not right for this time, maybe it doesn’t align with how your nervous system is talking to you. What if you picked an intention instead of a goal? What if you focused on a value you want to deepen or be more congruent with. It could be your guide for a season or the year. If we focus on values and intentions there is nothing to fail. An example could be if you choose to focus on health this year or season. Maybe you meditate on health throughout the year. See opportunities for healthier choices? See where it is difficult to have health and be curious about why that is. A resolution or goal might focus on losing weight or going to the gym. You can see how you can not accomplish the goal of losing weight or going to the gym which might lead to disappointment and giving up on your goal a few weeks into the new year. What if we make small incremental changes in our life or move more towards radical acceptance or a sense of ease or contentment, reconnect to our natural rhythm rather than what we think we should do and be.
I am inviting you into deepening your relationship with meditation. A meditation challenge has a tone of goals and you are either successful or not. An invitation is just opening to curiosity about how this may fit into your life and as you practice meditation noticing what arises. Explore the different ways meditation can show up in your life. There are so many different practices out there to help support you. Perhaps you need a few minutes a day of silence or being in the flow of some activity you love. Maybe you want to step onto your yoga mat and do some stretching, intentional breathing, a restorative pose, or sun salutations. Maybe you love the sound of music or chanting. I was leading a seminar a couple of months ago and I asked the therapists in the room what they mindfulness meditation as and this is some of what they said.
What is mindfulness? What is meditation?
I love how Lorin Roche, a meditation teacher who focuses on the rhythms of meditation in everyday life, invites us to find a practice that we look forward to. He normalizes that having a to do list while meditating is an act of love. When we slow down what most needs tending to rises to the surface. Perhaps we can heal by addressing what rises to the surface.
If we approach meditation as a practice we can't fail. We begin again every time we show up. Every cycle of breath. Perhaps turn your attention to the process, the patterns rather than the outcome. We learn from the past and we move forward more mindfully, maybe with more wisdom and clarity.
Learn more about meditation here.. Check out one of the guided recordings or the 7 day meditation invitation on the youtube channel. Every day we explore a different type of mediation practice. Want to move as part of your practice; join our free gentle yoga class the 2nd Friday of the month at 7 pm EST. Register here. Want to do yoga on your own time? Purchase our library of yoga sessions by contacting us. Sign up for our newsletter to keep up with our offerings. Learn more about the team at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ.
May you be well. May you feel nourished. May you have not only enough to survive but enough to thrive.
By Abby Fosco
The winter season is upon us, and that calls for evaluating our strategies for nourishment and self-care during the colder months. For many of us, winter time may lead to the winter blues, which can definitely feel amplified with COVID-19 spikes and social distancing restrictions. With less time outside and more time indoors, it's important to find hobbies and coping skills that accommodate the change in season and the COVID-19 restrictions.
I interviewed our clinicians at MMC about their tips and strategies for finding nourishment throughout the winter season:
Marissa Mangual, MS, LPC
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW
Nathalie Edmond, PsyD, RYT-500 | Founder and Director of MMC
Shashi Khanna, LCSW
As we continue to live through these unprecedented times and each season looking a bit different than it ever has before, nourishment and self-care is more important than ever. If you want additional support throughout this winter season, Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ is here for you. Here is a link to our website's main page, and you can reach us by phone at (609) 403-6359 and by email at email@example.com.
12/10/2020 0 Comments
By Marissa Mangual, MS, LPC
The holidays can be a wonderful time to connect with loved ones and celebrate. It can also create stress for those struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating behaviors. Here are a few tips that may be useful during this holiday season:
“I will eat to nourish my body, mind, and soul”
“I am able to trust and listen to what my body needs”
“I deserve to eat”
“I am building a healthy relationship with food”
“I trust my body and hunger cues to tell me when I am satisfied”
“Could we please talk about something other than calories, weight, or diets?”
“I’d rather not discuss what’s on my plate or how I look.”
“Let’s make this table a safe place with topics that we’re all comfortable with.”
“This food isn’t ‘bad,’ it’s succulent.” (Or herbal, flaky, aromatic. Fruity. Salty. Peppery. Any descriptive adjective will do.)
“I’d prefer not to talk about treatment or recovery.”
If you need additional support throughout the holiday season, our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling is here for you. Click here to learn more about MMC’s clinicians and counseling services.
Websites to connect/gain further support:
By Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
For almost a year, we have all been in an extended and drawn out pause from what had constituted normalcy in our daily routine. COVID-19 has swept through most corners of the world and our lives, and in some way or another, slowed down, altered, or stopped many ways of being and moving through the world. As we batted down the hatches, our energy went inward, we cried, found new ways to cope, we grieved and mourned.
When there is a lot going on, sometimes we don’t always have or take the time to consider the way forward. We stumble through the dark, putting things down on any surface we can find, missing the details, while grasping for a light switch.
Now, nine months in, taking inventory and stock of where we are and what we’ve come through, it’s a great relief to feel that we are better equipped to prepare with this next season and the unknowns that will certainly arrive. We’ve gained a great deal of resilience from having been here before.
As we enter a second wave of COVID-19 cases climbing, the aftermath of a contentious election and winter season upon us, we’re more familiar with the darkness, this slowness, and perhaps boredom. In this slightly more comfortable place, let’s take pause and notice what has been depleted, drained, or stagnant. What does it look like to cultivate the conditions that allow us to go into this time with not just more awareness but also intention?
By shining light on something in a new way, we can charge it with fresh energy. Traditional Eastern philosophies such as Feng Shui know this to be true. We can create a higher vibration in our space, as well as the things in it, and even our bodies with a little effort and intention.
Similar to how a house plant will perk up when moved closer to a sunlit window, we too get new energy from moving both physical and emotional things around within our space.
Back when we were fumbling through the darkness, what did you put down that is ready to be picked back up, returned to, and dusted off? What corners of your heart want some attention?
What needs to be hung out on the clothes line and aired out?
This practice is an invitation to invite change in. It can require some time, intention, effort, and even support. Staying close to home to do this work, requires a subtle shift in our attention and attitude. To be clear, we don’t always have the energy or space in our lives to do the heavy lifting required to move the bigger pieces of ourselves. It’s ok to take it slow, in fact, change asks for gentleness and compassion.
Here are a few small practices that you can do at home that will invite a higher vibration into your body, mind, and space:
May these ideas spark a light in you. If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, anxious or depressed, please know that these are all normal things to feel right now. Reach out to Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Center for support and to learn how to refresh and rejuvenate your energy and awareness.
By Abby Fosco
The past year has been a trying one for all of us. With the COVID-19 pandemic, the election, and the list goes on, we’ve had to manage and adapt to the tension of life’s current events. Now that the holiday season is upon us, the idea of family dinner conversations may have lots of people stressed. With differing opinions on political views and other sensitive topics, conflicts and arguments feel like a discomforting possibility if these topics are brought up in conversations.
As we begin to prepare for the holidays and hopefully aim to ‘keep the peace’ at our celebratory gatherings, I asked our clinicians here at MMC for their tips and advice on navigating potentially stressful conversations:
Nathalie Edmond, PsyD, E-RYT | Founder and Director of MMC
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW
Shashi Khanna, LCSW
Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
If you need additional support throughout the holiday season and as 2020 comes to an end, our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling is here for you. Click here to learn more about MMC’s clinicians and counseling services.
By Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
Lately, it feels like I’m moving at a mile a minute. The world is spinning all around us. If I’m being honest, the times when I pause long enough to notice what I’m feeling, I sometimes sense a real and visceral spinning sensation in my own body.
There is pain all around us as the election season is approaching, wildfires are smoldering, racial injustice is embedded in the very fabric of our lives, and it’s no wonder I don’t want to stop moving.
Being in constant motion, and moving fast when faced with discomfort, is a defensive mechanism. One that, I would imagine, is familiar to many of us. Whether we’re keeping busy with our bodies, thoughts, schedules, or our to-do lists, we are likely avoiding something, or a great many somethings.
Avoidance is a way we cope with anxiety and distress. It’s a function of our nervous system that wants to protect us from a real or perceived threat. Rather than acknowledging our thoughts and emotions by giving them time and space to be felt, being “too busy” keeps them at bay.
This is not to minimize the strength and excellent coping skills that a good old-fashioned schedule and routine can provide. Keeping busy can be an anchor and masterful when what we’re trying to keep at bay is slipping into old patterns such as addiction or depression.
However, when it’s in service of avoiding being present, or when we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re too busy to slow down, perhaps, the avoidance is actually the pattern that needs noticing.
What happens when we avoid too much, or too long, is the very real possibility that what we’re working so hard to suppress eventually comes to the surface. Demanding acknowledgement, it commands us to slow down. When what we’ve been trying to hold together starts crumbling and feels like it’s falling apart, it might be expressed as anxiety, a panic attack, deep sadness and depression, or anger.
So, how then do we prevent this spinning out, and gently slow down to a pace that is more sustainable and inclusive to all our parts, feelings, and needs?
Here’s what’s helping me:
Take 3 breaths. In that very moment, when you’re coming up with every excuse, all the things you need to do, and why you don’t have time to stop, that’s the moment, to pause, close your eyes, and take 3 breaths. When you do it, notice the way each breath nourishes you in this moment, the way taking three gulps of water feels when you’re hot and thirsty.
Be mindful about how you use your phone to avoid. Let’s be honest, many of us use our phones as a crutch to avoid any number of moments. We have attachment issues with our phones, but the good news is we can change our relationship with them and choose to use them in mindful ways. Download a meditation app like Insight Timer, and practice a guided visualization or listen to a podcast like Ten Percent Happier. Now you’re no longer avoiding but practicing.
Sit down for 5 minutes each morning. Is life really so busy that I can’t find five minutes to sit and be still? Is my pain and suffering really that unbearable that I can’t tolerate a few minutes of being with it? When I ask myself these questions, it shines the light on the main barrier getting in the way of this profoundly simple practice: a powerful relationship of avoidance. When I am in practice of sitting daily, my practice of slowing down bleeds into other areas of life, and being still is more easily achieved and overall less uncomfortable.
Give yourself the permission to slow down and to tend to what you’ve been so busy avoiding. As uncomfortable as it may sound, you may discover it’s very relieving to rest. To learn more about mindfulness and how therapy may be helpful, you can read more here about Mindful and Multicultural Counseling located in Ewing, NJ, or reach out to contact@mmcounselingcenter to learn more about how we can help you.
Emily Suzuki, MA, LAC
We’ve all heard the saying, for one door to open, another door has to close.
Can you think of how this has been true for you? How many times has this organic process taken shape in your life? How many times have you welcomed in new changes and beginnings while simultaneously grieving the shedding of old things?
Despite the normalcy and constancy of this cycle, more often than not, we are struggling against this process. Fear of endings creates resistance. We anticipate the pain and feel anxious about the uncertainty of the unknown. In doing so, we create more suffering for ourselves. We self-sabotage by weighing down the process of letting go with our own habitual patterns that are sometimes not positive or productive.
Endings bring change, and change can sometimes mean a loss. Loss, of course, in some way or another calls to be acknowledged, grieved, and honored. Loss, like a wound, needs time to heal. Time becomes like a salve, the more we apply the salve and care for our wound, the more fully it will heal and close.
The amount of time to heal is different for every person. It takes the time it takes, depending on the person, the circumstances, and the depth of the wound or loss. This period of waiting can be very uncomfortable. Sometimes we try to push our way through more quickly. We bargain, deny, and feel desperate to do anything to make time work more quickly.
But there’s another saying I’m sure you’ve heard before: the only way out is through. This could be extremely disappointing to hear, when you’re ready to do whatever it takes to hurry things along. This saying points to the journey as not the thing that needs to be rushed, but as the site where you gain the most and learn more. It affirms that you are exactly where you need to be, and for one reason or another, which will be unearthed in the process of wading through, you will find out just what you were meant to discover.
When we accept that our journey is purposefully leading us through what might feel like fire, mud, darkness, and blurriness, we can begin to get out of our own way. To step out of the way and let ourselves continue down the path, without creating more roadblocks of suffering, we can choose to move with the current as opposed to against it.
The more times we do this, it doesn’t necessarily get easier, but we begin to accumulate a greater sense of confidence and trust that hard things can happen, and we will be ok, maybe even more than ok. What jewels await you along the journey and how bright might it be on the other side?
This time of year, as the summer starts to wane and the feeling and fullness of abundance levels down, we collectively feel an ending around us. Fall approaches and we move through a time of reckoning and review. What blossomed this summer? Which fruits were most bountiful and which didn’t grow? What do we still have time to finish? What wants our attention before the deep freeze of winter beckons us to stop, let go of summer, and shift to a new, quieter, and slower way of winter?
There are endings and beginnings all around us. In every moment, of every day, within every season and year. It’s the most natural things there is, and yet, the space in between can be one of the most difficult and challenging. Radical self-care can be the extra strength salve that helps as you learn to trust the process. For one-on-one support or tips on tolerating distress, we at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ are here for you. You can read more about us or reach out to contact@mmcounselingcenter to learn more about how we can help you.
With the new school year swiftly approaching, parents and students will still be facing unique ways of learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Depending on your school district, both hybrid and 100% virtual learning have been presented as the new normal for the 2020/2021 school year. No one can tell you what is right for your family.
If in-person options are available in your school district, masks will be mandatory and social distancing will be implemented. Virtual learning won’t be new territory for parents and students, since schools switched to virtual learning in the spring of 2020 to finish out the 2019/2020 school year. However, if your children have the option to go back to school in person, social distancing protocols will be new territory. Either way, approaching a new school season when we’re still amidst a pandemic can induce stress and unease for many.
With all of this in mind, our clinicians here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ developed tips and strategies for parents as their children begin their back to school journeys:
Nathalie Edmond PsyD, RYT-500 | Founder and Director of MMC
Kristine Aguilar, MSW, LCSW
Taryn Chase, MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC
Lina Lewis-Arevalo MA, NCC, LPC, LCADC
Nadira Keaton, MS, LPC, LCADC, ACS, NCC
Marissa Mangual MS, LPC, NCC
Shashi Khanna, MSW, LCSW
Below is a video created by Dr. Nathalie Edmond for a local high school which addresses unique stressors we are experiencing as more discussions unfold about the Black Lives Matter movement and uncertainty persists around COVID-19. Tips for how we can reduce our vulnerability to stress are suggested. Perhaps you and your child can watch it together to come up with a self-care plan. If you need additional support throughout the year we are here for you. Learn more about our team here at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling in Ewing, NJ.
Other resources to support you:
Emily Suzuki, MA
Fear is a familiar presence in therapy. Therapy is an invitation to explore our growing edges, the places that feel uncomfortable and scary. Often, that’s where our work begins and where we find the greatest growth.
Exploring fear is in the very DNA of the therapeutic relationship. Fear comes up often in therapy, and is present even before we seek out and take what we sometimes perceive as a risk, in asking for support. When we begin working with a therapist, someone who is initially a complete stranger, we may at first be guarded and protective of opening up and being vulnerable. Naturally, a dose of fear shows up to help us assess whether or not the person and relationship is safe and can be trusted.
As we build a relationship of trust, in which the therapist offers the reassurance that their support is rooted in compassion, non-judgement, deep and active listening, clients begin to feel safer. Within the net of safety and trust, client and therapist can begin to explore the layers of fear that may be showing up, both in the therapeutic relationship and in the client’s life.
Fear is an essential survival response to physical and emotional danger. When we experience a threat, our brains are wired to act in self-protection. This process has served us as far back as our ancestors, who had to navigate much greater physical threats. Their survival level instincts turned on in the face of serious danger without so much of a thought, and their survival supported the evolution that led to our being. Check out video about our triune brain by Dr. Nathalie Edmond at the end.
In our modern world, we may not be dodging tigers or samurais like our ancestors, but none the less, there is plenty of ways to feel unsafe in our society. While fear is a universal human emotion, each individual’s experience of it and relationship with it varies greatly. The intersections of one’s social location, identification with race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and ability, shapes our experience and threat to one’s safety. For those whose identities intersect marginalized groups, fear is a lived experience in a wholly different way than it is for those in the dominant groups. The insidiousness of systemic racism and white supremacy, is a system of power that is rooted in fear, in which police brutality is an everyday danger to those who are BIPOC (black, indigenous and people of color) and oppressed, and as a result creates and breeds more fear.
Fear shows up in so many ways, and can be a response to even small or imagined threats. Our nervous system kicks in with a fight-flight-or freeze response, always in service of our protection. However, this process can become so sensitive that it can be activated in moments when it’s not helpful to run, fight or freeze, and when turning towards and engaging whatever feels scary is more purposeful.
This is a place where we can develop a deeper understanding of our fear. Turning our attention inward and towards the fear, we can start to ask questions, and learn more about it. What is it truly afraid of? When is it showing up and getting in the way? How is it perpetuating old patterns and habits of not engaging with ourselves and others? In what ways might it be creating more pain and suffering?
When we feel safely held within a therapeutic relationship, one that is built on trust and safety, we can begin the process of inviting our fear into the room with us. Through noticing and gaining greater awareness of our fear (mindfulness), we can then practice disrupting the moments when fear attempts to turn us away from the work we need to do and instead, learn when it’s okay to trust, and bravely, lean into it.
Learn more about the therapists at Mindful and Multicultural Counseling can help you transform your fear. Read more about us here. Give us a call to begin the healing journey.
Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Clinical Team
Therapists and psychologists committed to improving well being and mindful living.